What Is Victim-Blaming and How It Harms Women

Victim-blaming can appear in statements such as:

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• “Why didn’t you say anything right away?”

• “I just want to understand the whole picture.”

• “What were you wearing at the time?”

• “She went to him herself.”

• “Maybe you misunderstood something?”

• “If you didn’t defend yourself, it must have meant you liked it.”

• “It’s your own fault — you asked for it.”

• “I’m not оправдовую him, but…”

• “You should be more careful next time.”

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People who engage in victim-blaming rarely mention the role of the perpetrator at all — as if violence were a natural phenomenon that someone can either avoid or fail to notice and then suffer the consequences. Because of this attitude, survivors receive judgment and shame instead of sympathy and support.

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This is why stories of violence are often silenced, hidden, and never reported to the police, not because they are insignificant or fabricated, but because of social stigma and the many layers of condemnation survivors face at different levels, from their families to law enforcement institutions.

 

Why Do People Engage in Victim-Blaming?

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Blaming survivors is not only about sexual or domestic violence; it reflects a broader hierarchical system. In societies shaped by inequality and stigma, marginalized people are blamed for their own discrimination. In the eyes of the majority, they are perceived as inferior to more privileged groups.

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This happens because of prejudice against different groups of people:

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• A homeless person is blamed for not earning enough (“You should have changed jobs, studied more, asked for a higher salary!”).

• A Black person is blamed for police aggression (“You shouldn’t have behaved so suspiciously”).

• A queer person wearing symbols of their identity is blamed for being attacked (“You shouldn’t display that in public”).

 

Similarly, because of misogynistic prejudice, women are often considered inherently responsible for sexual or domestic violence committed against them. Women’s bodies are denied autonomy and treated as men’s property. Women are also taught to be passive, “wiser,” and non-confrontational, and they are punished for defending their boundaries and dignity. At the same time, patriarchal beliefs often lead people to excuse men, even when they commit crimes.

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Statements such as “She chose to wear such a short skirt” or “She went out with a group of men herself” imply that a woman’s body exists for male pleasure and is perceived by society as an object. Meanwhile, predatory behavior by perpetrators is normalized, tolerated, and sometimes even encouraged. It is justified by claims that men have “instincts,” a “higher need for sex,” or an “inability to control themselves” when an attractive woman is nearby.

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As we can see, men’s needs — even exaggerated ones — are placed above women’s basic safety. This is a direct consequence of patriarchy and the sexism it produces.

 

How Belief in a Just World Can Be Harmful

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Another, more psychological reason for victim-blaming is the belief in a just world, where bad things only happen to bad people. According to this belief, if someone experiences violence, it must mean that the survivor somehow “deserved” it.

 

It feels safer to believe that violence happens because of certain circumstances rather than simply because perpetrators choose to commit it.

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This is why, in rape stories, many people focus on details about the survivor: what she was wearing, whether she had been drinking alcohol. When a woman speaks about domestic violence, she is asked why she chose such a bad partner in the first place. People try to rationalize what happened and reassure themselves that they — as good, careful, and responsible individuals — will be safe.

 

How to Challenge Victim-Blaming

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The first step is to start with ourselves. All of us grew up in patriarchal societies that are hostile toward women and have absorbed misogynistic prejudice.

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Let us examine several common phrases often used when discussing violence that are harmful and blame the survivors. People frequently say these phrases automatically, without realizing how they reinforce violence. Blaming survivors is socially acceptable, safe, and neutral — it rarely carries consequences.

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• “Both sides are always responsible.”

• “We need to hear both sides.”

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Such statements frame violence as a conflict where two people simply failed to understand each other. However, conflict assumes equal participation. When we are dealing with domestic violence, harassment, or rape — where one person holds power over another — there is a clear pattern of perpetrator and survivor. In these cases, only the person who committed the violence is responsible.

 

• “I don’t leave my wallet in plain sight, and women should also take care of themselves / dress more modestly / avoid walking alone at night.”

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These comments are often presented as well-meaning advice, while ignoring how much women already do to protect themselves from violence. Some of these “tips” have long been disproven, for example, modest clothing does not guarantee safety*.

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Context also matters: sharing self-defense advice may be appropriate in a neutral setting when someone asks for it. But offering such advice to survivors who are simply sharing their experiences is inappropriate. Doing so shifts responsibility away from the perpetrator — who must be held accountable.

 

• “Didn’t you realize where you were going?”

• “But you were smiling while talking to him.”

• “Didn’t you agree to it yourself?”

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It is important to remember the basic principles of active consent: consent must be clear and informed. It cannot be obtained through pressure, and it can be withdrawn at any moment. Threats, coercion, manipulation, and intimidation are forms of violence and cannot coexist with consent.

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Survivors are often forced to act friendly or avoid confrontation to protect themselves from greater aggression. This is why women may unwillingly give their contact information, smile, or agree to things they do not want. It is not appropriate to criticize them for this — you were not in that situation and do not know how you would have reacted yourself.
 

To avoid engaging in victim-blaming, it is important to monitor your own reactions and assumptions. Try to reflect on why you feel the urge to judge one person and excuse another. Practice consciously shifting your focus from details about the survivor to the responsibility of the perpetrator.

 

*What Were You Wearing? Fashion exhibit by sexual assault survivors
https://risenow.us/impact/what-were-you-wearing/