How Does Violence Work? The Cycle and the Wheel Models

Gender-based violence may seem unpredictable, but in reality, it follows certain patterns that repeat in many cases. The most well-known concepts explaining these patterns are the cycle of violence and the power and control wheel. They help identify signs of violence and understand its mechanisms to better protect oneself.

The models described below are generalized, so it is important to remember that they may not reflect every possible situation. It is more useful to see them as common relationship dynamics that can vary depending on people and circumstances.

What Is the Cycle of Violence?

This is a pattern consisting of four stages that may repeat many times with varying intensity and duration. In some cases, the full cycle takes hours; in others, months or even years. In many cases, each new cycle escalates, and the abuse becomes more severe, while survivors gradually become accustomed to it.

The stages of the cycle of violence look like this:

Tension Building

This is the period when the relationship rapidly deteriorates. The first signs of aggression appear and may be attributed to stress or external factors: the perpetrator may raise their voice, argue constantly, criticize, quarrel, act rudely, or gesture aggressively. They may resort to coercion, threats, or pressure.

The survivor may feel that something bad is about to happen, doubt their own perception, and try not to “provoke” the perpetrator by seeking compromises, appeasing them, or suppressing their own emotions.

Incident

This is the most intense stage, when the perpetrator “explodes” and behaves in a highly aggressive manner: insulting, humiliating, shouting, throwing objects, or committing physical and sexual violence. The intensity of this stage varies; it may range from a single blow delivered “in anger” to prolonged physical violence.

In this way, the perpetrator establishes control over the survivor.

Reconciliation

At this stage, the perpetrator begins to rationalize their violence and search for excuses. Very often, gaslighting occurs during this period, convincing the survivor that things are not actually that bad, that she is “exaggerating,” “being dramatic,” blaming the partner for trivial things, or even being responsible for what happened.

Even when the perpetrator admits guilt, they try to minimize it and attribute it to other factors. They may apologize and promise it will never happen again: they claim they will change, go to therapy, or work on themselves. However, the violence does not end here.

Calm

This is a period of relative calm, sometimes called the “honeymoon phase.” The relationship begins to resemble what it was at the beginning — and sometimes may even seem better. The perpetrator may attempt to “make things right” and appease the survivor: giving compliments, gifts, romantic gestures, and making efforts to “win back” the partner who has distanced herself after the aggressive behavior.

It may appear that the previous outburst was just an unfortunate incident and that things are improving. However, this is an illusion: in reality, the perpetrator is lowering the survivor’s guard to continue controlling her in the future. Eventually, tension builds again, and the cycle repeats.

The concept of the cycle of violence originated in the 1970s, and some consider it somewhat outdated, particularly because of its strict cyclic structure. Although many people still find it relatable, violence can also take other forms.

In 1984, an alternative model was created: the power and control wheel. Unlike the cycle, this model does not describe a sequence of stages but rather different tactics that can occur simultaneously.

What Is the Power and Control Wheel?

This model examines in detail the tactics perpetrators use to maintain control over others. The wheel consists of eight segments, each representing a method of exerting control over survivors.

1. Intimidation

The perpetrator creates fear through actions, gestures, words, and facial expressions. They may damage property, harm pets, or demonstrate weapons or physical strength.

Examples:

“I could easily get offended.”
“Just do what I ask, and everything will be fine.”
“I’m stronger than you anyway.”

2. Emotional Abuse

The perpetrator uses psychological manipulation: pressure, lies, gaslighting, and other tactics. This undermines the partner’s confidence, destroys her self-esteem, and makes her doubt her thoughts and feelings.

Examples:

“It was just a joke. Why are you reacting like that?”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You don’t deserve what I give you.”

3. Isolation

The perpetrator controls what the partner does, whom she sees, what she talks about, what she reads or watches, and where she goes. They may restrict her social life under the pretext of jealousy, while actually trying to destroy her external support network and make her dependent.

Examples:

“Maybe stay with me tonight instead of seeing them?”
“I don’t like your friends.”
“Give me your social media passwords. We love each other, so we have nothing to hide, right?”

4. Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming

The perpetrator minimizes the consequences of the violence and dismisses the survivor’s feelings. They may claim that no violence occurred or that they themselves are the victim. They shift the blame onto the survivor, suggesting she “provoked” it.

Examples:

“It’s nothing serious.”
“What did I even do?”
“I hurt you because you hurt me first.”

5. Using Children

The perpetrator may use children to control the survivor — passing messages through them, threatening to take them away, or using visitation rights to intimidate a former partner. They may also manipulate the survivor’s sense of guilt through the children.

Examples:

“Think about the child.”
“What kind of mother are you?”
“The kids would be better off with me than with a hysterical mother.”

6. Using Male Privilege

The perpetrator relies on patriarchal privilege and prejudice to control the partner. They may make all major family decisions alone, treat the woman as a servant, or justify violent behavior as a man’s right.

Examples:

“You’re a woman — be wiser.”
“A good wife would do this for her husband.”
“Have you forgotten your marital duty?”

7. Economic Abuse

The perpetrator prevents the partner from working, looking for a job, or improving her qualifications, forcing her to ask for money. They may also control or hide the family’s income.

Examples:

“Let me keep the money — it’s better that way.”
“You don’t know how to manage money.”
“I’ll provide everything for our family, just stay at home. A woman should take care of the household, not go to work.”

8. Coercion and Threats

The perpetrator uses harsh methods to maintain control: threatening harm, abandonment, manipulation through pity, or forcing the survivor into illegal activities. Because of such pressure, survivors often withdraw police reports and remain silent for years out of fear.

Examples:

“Don’t make me angry.”
“If you won’t have sex with me, I’ll find someone else.”
“If you leave me, I’ll jump out the window.”

It is important to understand that these concepts are generalized models. Every relationship is unique, and patterns of violence may differ. However, if even one of these aspects resonates with your experience or concerns you, it may be worth reflecting on the dynamics of the relationship you are currently in.