< Translator’s note: The original formatting of the stories has been preserved. The translations aim to remain as close as possible to each author's original wording and expression.
One day, I started wondering — when did I first personally encounter sexual violence? Who was he, and how old was I? Later in psychotherapy, we talked about my relationship with my father. And I remembered. My whole life, my father sexualised me.
Throughout my entire childhood, I remember pinches on the bottom and always the same response to my protests: "It's just a joke." "Well, you're attractive, I like you — that's all. I'm your father."
As a teenager, it irritated me, angered me, frightened me — I remember that background sense of danger. That was when I first felt that my body didn't belong to me — simply because it was "female" — my father never allowed himself such actions toward my younger brother.
I remember my father's evaluating gaze as I walked past him. I remember the discomfort at the thought that summer was coming and I'd have to wear light clothes at home — and feel that gaze on me again and again and hear some comment like "mm, gorgeous," accompanied by a quite unambiguous wink. Dad, you could have complimented me in another way.
While my brother was praised for his engineering skills in Minecraft, I was praised for my body. One time, around the age of 15, I was walking past my father, and he did it again. It was painful and hurtful. I was already feeling irritated about something else, and I just snapped. I said it made me uncomfortable and asked him not to do it anymore.
In response, I received a mocking: "I'm your father, I can do what I want. And besides, you're like a hedgehog — always angry, you can't treat your father like that. I do everything for you." Yes, he did a lot for me. But he never listened to my personal boundaries. I was a woman, after all. My mother and grandmother never said anything to him about it. He was the father, after all.
Anonymous author; story told in 2021 as part of the "16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence" campaign