< Translator’s note: The original formatting of the stories has been preserved. The translations aim to remain as close as possible to each author's original wording and expression.

 

A few years ago, I was in a prolonged depressive episode, which was caused, among other things, by harassment from a friend and a former partner (at the same time, they teamed up). In an attempt to find motivation to get out of the mental bottom, I moved to another city. There I knew only two people — a friend-neighbor and a long-time acquaintance.

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One evening, I invited this friend to hang out with me, and he suggested drinking wine. We drank, talked, and he fell asleep. I stayed up a bit longer and then also went to sleep. And I woke up to the fact that this guy was having sex with my sleeping body. At first, it seemed to me that it was just an erotic dream, and then he mumbled something about forgetting to put on a condom (how thoughtful of him). I pushed him away, and in the morning, I denied to myself that it had even happened. For two months, I denied it, until I woke up in hysterics in the middle of the night with the realization that it was rape. I told my partner at the time, and he got angry and started shouting that I was making it all up and putting on a “circus.” I begged him to believe me. He called me a slut and said that I had asked for it when I agreed to drink wine with a (male) friend. According to him, it was supposedly obvious consent for sex.

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My female friends said that I was exaggerating and that this happens, and it’s normal. Male friends whom I considered reasonable said that it was my own fault. My therapist at the time smiled and said that I shouldn’t fixate on this situation. Another acquaintance said that I am too attractive and flirtatious, so it’s “hard to resist.” When, after the second suicide attempt, I was being taken by ambulance, I told my mom that I had been raped. She stayed silent and pretended that nothing had happened.

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Liuba; story shared in 2022 as part of the campaign “16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence.”