< Translator’s note: The original formatting of the stories has been preserved. The translations aim to remain as close as possible to each author's original wording and expression.

 

I have always been around the arts: contests, art school, and lyceum. There, I met a girl who interested me. We had pleasant talks about music and literature, but the more time we spent together, the more I felt something unusual — her smiles, touch, and talks made me feel a certain way.

Only after a year of analyzing, discussions, and thoughts, I realized that I’m in love with her. And just like this, eventually I came to terms with the fact that my first love is that girl. A little later, I started dating a different girl from the lyceum and felt those emotions and touch from a person I liked: skipping classes walking in the park, painting together, and first kisses at 14.

​

But then a nightmare happened. Starting at 10 years old, I kept diaries, and my mother found them. They had all of my emotions written in them — everything she chose to ignore. Hell broke loose — hypercontrol, interrogations about my every move, and then, my mother ran into my room and yelled, “Dump that classmate!” I didn’t understand, “What are you talking about?” And then I realized that not only did she read my diaries, but also my messages.

​

Almost every day, I resisted but kept hearing, “She is seducing you; you made all this up,” etc. I went to archery classes, and a guy of 22 years old appeared there, he started flirting with me. It’s important because my mom broke me and made me break up with my girlfriend and start dating that guy.

​

I was 14 at the time, and I was cut from society and kept in “adult hands.” I broke inside and started dating him because that was considered a normal, heterosexual relationship. I was told to lose weight, please him, and that “I will understand everything with time.”

​

And just like that, five years passed. My first sex left me empty: after, I just stood up next to a window without any emotions and thought, “Why do people do this?” I started having alcohol problems because that was the only way to feel at least something. And what my mom once said repeated in my head, “You just haven’t understood yet.” I found out what it is like to be raped in a relationship…

​

When I was approaching 16, I understood that I needed to grow up. I analyzed their behavior and weak spots. As a 15-year-old, I started trying to break the 23-year-old; he didn’t react — then I started to put him down, mock him, and ignore. Then I went to a contest and met a beautiful peer there. We started talking, walked together, she went to our hotel, we hugged, messed around, then I went to see her off at the train — those were wonderful 4 days.

​

I understood that I had to live, not survive. I called the 23-year-old for a talk near my house and straightforwardly told him that I cheated on him (I exaggerated everything to the max). At first, he said that he didn’t care. The next day, during practice, I heard how our groupmates gossiped, “She cheated, she is bad.”And they ignored my existence. I told my best friend — he hugged me and said, “You’re good.”

​

Today, I’m a pansexual lady with polygamous tastes. As I often joke, I adore women and hate men, until they become people to me. Ta-da 🤷🏻‍♀️

​​

Anastasiia Skolyk, woman (or the so-called Lviv INTELLIGENTSIA!), 24; story shared in 2025 as part of the campaign “16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence.”